Los Loya: Life in the Lap of Luxury

January

2012-01-08T12:03:00.000-08:00

January is a bitch.

Seriously, January is second only to March as the worst month of the year.

First of all, you've got the Christmas hangover.

The Christmas hangover was more severe this year than usual. Christmastime makes the darkness of fall somehow romantic & cozy. Like an optimistic tease that winter is a glorious time of soups, blankets, candles & red wine. Yeah, we're all feeling fine about it until suddenly its January. JUST KIDDING SUCKAS, the honeymoon is over! Taking down the piney-delight of the Christmas tree, taking down the Christmas lights (yes, I did this year)...putting away all the adorable pictures of my friends' Christmas cards. What's left? A pile of dry needles that refuse to be vacuumed, my harsh overhead lights & the smell of the trash once again reminds me that I'm too lazy to carry the trash down three flights of stairs. That's winter romance if I ever heard it.

And this year, Christmas was the horribly fast & inconvenient kind. Not at ALL the way Christmas should be. I like to start thinking about Christmas the beginning of November - start planning all the homemade gifts I'd like to make, the parties I'd like to throw, the coordinating of family & events over a nice 4 week period. This year my Christmas preparation was limited to a frenzied Saturday at Target & Amazon prime 2-day shipping. Ew. So American. So void of joy. I couldn't even find my copy of Holiday Inn to watch while wrapping. It was like a big Christmas fail. I didn't go to a single Christmas party. I sent my Christmas cards out with Kwanzaa stamps because that's all the Vallejo post office had. And there are palm trees here.

I wanna go home.

My commute is squarely to blame for this total lack of anything other than work in my life. But, as much as I hate January, this January is the best ever because in a couple short weeks, my commute will be ending & I'll be moving to the city. HELL. YES.

The apartment search is in full swing. I have never experienced such a total lack of discretion in selecting a dwelling. I seriously don't care about the place, at all. I don't care about the neighborhood, I don't care about the "amenities" (though, power & hot water would be good). I just want to be there. I want to cook dinner again, exercise again, give my ears a rest from 4.5 hours a day of podcasts.

Can I tell you what a feeding freezy the apartment hunt is in SF? Oh my. I email someone after a CL post from THIS MORNING & the apartment's already rented. And they're all available today. Right now. Not 2 weeks from now, not February 1. Because they go so fast, landlords don't post the apartments when notice is given, they post the apartment the day the tenants move out. So, here's my competition - people who are in line & ready for the next available apartment - armed with their credit report, last 2 pay stubs, background check cash, completed application with past rental history & $3,000 damage deposit in cash. I'm getting the impression these people don't even view the apartment. How can I compete with this sort of organized competition?

Perhaps they think the photos from craigslist are enough? Here are a few. Homey.

This unit has power. Ok, good to know. (left)

This unit has a "kitchenette" - fridge only. Ok. (right)

WTF is this picture supposed to show?? (left)

This unit's creative wiring recommends "renters insurance". (right)

I can't wait to make one of these little rankies home.

The number of life upgrades that will accompany this move are too numerous to count. I can only hope that our time in Vallejo hasn't created bad habits we're unable to kick. For example, this week I was rummaging through the fridge after work when I heard Jake go out the back slider onto our second story deck. Interesting, what is he doing out there? I poked my head around the corner to make out his shadowy form holding something heavy over the railing. What are you doing? I ask...just as something crashes to the ground in the empty lot behind our classy Vallejo apartment building. Uh...he says sheepishly. Getting rid of our Christmas tree. Wow. We're those people. Hopefully when we take the girl out of Vallejo, we'll also take the Vallejo out of the girl. Too optimistic?

Happy January. Emphasis on the Happy.

Things I’ve learned in Skagway

2011-07-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

These life lessons probably won't matter to anyone who hasn't lived in Skagway. That's ok. Most people who read this mush blog do. As I'm preparing to move to California today, to start a new life in a new place, I HAVE to pay homage to this place that has taught me many valuable things about life.

In Skagway, I have learned...

The skill of slicing rotten spots off all kinds of produce.

That boardwalks are for tourists & walking in the street is for townies

It is inevitable that at some point in the evening, the conversation will turn to how we’ve GOT to start getting more sleep…and then we’ll stay out until midnight on a Tuesday.

A wallet, a bag, a purse, a pocket bulging with $1 bills something to be revered.

Babysitting is most difficult when the child is over 60.

If you take the cut off road, in the backseat of a 15 passenger van, going 45 mph, you will hit your head on the roof of the van - even seatbelted.

In Skagway, “Not an Entrance” “Employees Only” and “Private Office” translates to “please come bother me.”

The frozen turkey tubes are usually hidden under the bait in the stand alone freezer at the grocery store.

I have learned the art of boundaries. OTCNMP.

Build the bridge! Skagway to Honolulu. Really does make more sense.

I've learned to read my friends’ wardrobes to determine the mood of the evening.When we’re ready to party, I can expect Sarah in a party shirt, Cory in Turtles of the World, Anna in stretch pants & Holly on her second or third day post-shower (so she doesn’t care if her hair smells like smoke).

Skagway is the only city in theworld whose public transit drivers are hassled for the fact that transit is not free.

Melissa Horman’s milkshake brings bad boys to the yard. 158 is so sexy,anyone would want to have his baby, especially anna.

Like the eskimos have 20,000 words for snow, our language has evolved to fit OUR lifestyle: words like mush, dark, rank & grommit.

Golf carts – catch on fire more easily than we would ever imagine.

The greatest inconvenience on the planet is the 12-1 closure of the AML office for lunch.

Too much about Canadian visas. Too much. Too much.

If the label was torn off the can during shipping, it’s perfectly acceptable to write “beans” in sharpie on the can & charge full price.

That it’s perfectly acceptable to ask a gift shop clerk to stamp your passport.

It is perfectly acceptable to charge $6.50 for a sub-par mocha.

If a whale is spotted in the canal, a bike race to dock is standard. The race will be won by someone in their 30s.

Before Skagway: “put gas in my car” after Skagway: “fuel my vehicle.”

Watch your tail swing is a life lesson, not a driving skill.

The term “race” can still apply when all you can muster is 15 mph up 2 mile hill.

Skagway law enforcement education: loading zone violations, bike lights & haircuts without a license will get you arrested.

Whitehorse is never as fun as you think it’s going to be.

Julie Martin ruffied Deb Potter. Shhhh, she still doesn’t know!

There was nothing better than Monday Night Moe’s & Makers neat & 8 packs of yellow spirits.

I learned how to dump an MCI toilet by myself.

That a horse really can kick a goat to death.

Black bear salad is disgusting.

In Skagway, you can be married, single or both – straight, gay or both – RO, Brew Co. or both!

Threatening to drive through the Alaska sign – way better than actually doing it.

Use the bathroom on the train. Do NOT wait until you get to the Fraser depot.

A yellow vest & an upturned mirror at the end of a stick – the picture of maritime security.

We can live in old refrigerators, container cars, closets, trailers, one-room palaces, homes incorporating tarps & hitches but nothing makes us feel like we’re living in the third world like having your internet drop.

Streetcar never has, never will, pull all the way forward at the overlook.

I’ve learned just enough French not to put my cottage cheese instead of sour cream on my taco.

If you hike lower on your lunch break, you have full license to brag about it for 2 days.

How to hunt down a stolen bike.

It’s worth it to endure fundraising week at KHNS in order to hear your birthday announced, library book ready for pick up or the hours of the Hammer Museum.

The real meaning of ‘foamer’ has nothing to do with rabies (mostly).

Don’t park in the longshoremen on the RRA.

Three-legged dogs are the Couch bag of the north.

Every good meal revolves around shriacha, hollandaise or both.

You can burn your trash, but you better pick up after your dog.

You don’t catch Noro. Noro catches YOU.

A funny phrase, quote or inside joke is best after it’s 10,000^th repeat. “She called my hou’” “I can see your wallet” or “Frank Reid was shot in the genitals”

Magazines hold a place of prominence in our culture that is unparalled in this universe.

Really want to piss people off? Mess with their liquor license, enact smoking bans, run off with the gas card in your pocket or cut them off at customs.

The only thing harder than resisting pizza rolls at Eagles is resisting spending $200 in Bruce’s shop.

People who were once super annoying CAN, in fact, grow on you.

If you bought more groceries that you can carry with 2 hands, you spent $100.

A PBR can cure most anything that ails you – mentally or physically.

Thank you for the good times, Skagway. For better or worse, I will never be the same.

Carlee Stellfox Loya likes this

2011-06-02T18:15:00.001-07:00

I'm really into people 'liking' their own status updates on fb. I'm going to start doing this.

Example:

Carlee Stellfox Loya just received a text from Anna saying the produce has been delivered & she should get her ass to the fairless asap.